


Running After the Wind

by koi_ling



Series: Nothing Is Gonna Take You from My Side [6]
Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Light Angst, M/M, Musicians, Unresolved Emotional Tension, a true love: music, and memories and silly things we can't say, btw X is getting a blowjob, we love triangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8530600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koi_ling/pseuds/koi_ling
Summary: while you run after dreams that aren’t enough anymore / in our places and our memories
Seungyoon and his undying love: music.





	

( _we played an adult game / we played to catch the wind and then_

 _maybe you don’t know that those days will never come back / it’ll come back again to find you there / while you run after dreams that aren’t enough anymore / in our places and our[memories](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SfSef8Oyss)_ )

 

Wide skies of pale blues and white clouds remind him of his childhood. Just as much as his mother’s food with its distinctive flavour that can’t be recreated by anyone else, and those popsicles he and Mino ate in summer, and the games they loved once but seem so childish now. Wide skies, like blank pages he would fill with his mind, notes crowding each centimetre as the wind blows a little stronger.

Back then, music was the biggest of adventures. It asked to be found, discovered and explored like a foreign planet that yet was more similar to home than he could expect; it asked for the will of being lost, soul and body, until he could see the route that brought him right there, at the pulsing centre of things. Where everything lived – and he died, annihilated into a score waiting to be completed.

The melodies were all hidden there, in corners of his mind, in desaturated skies, under the apparent quiet of summer days and their weak sultry breezes; all he had to do was to let them flow inside him.

Sometimes he was so deeply lost in this whole process that he forgot Mino was still next to him, waiting in his shadow. It took everything he got to go back to him, but his smile was the best welcome Seungyoon could ask for: all pearly warmth and seamless sincerity, like Mino’s hugs, like Mino’s constant presence in his life. Somehow, it felt like those things were only Seungyoon’s and no one else’s.

(Way later, they’ll discuss about those times, about Mino’s desire to keep him within his reach, _within his hold_ , like a burning desire that could not be doused; about Seungyoon’s distant soul, wandering in places Mino couldn’t see... about how music comes to them in different ways. Seungyoon is sure they are poles apart – their approach, their way of working on it is complementary. Mino’s strongest weapon is his words, the way they will bend under his imaginary hand, the way they can both be clever and witty but also sincere and fearsome. Seungyoon will feel he is lacking on that side, even when his lyrics are coming right from the pitch-black depth of his heart. He doesn’t have the fun Mino can deliver and recreate in a song, the easiness he can pretend, like it’s always been all fun and games. He’ll ask him to show him how to be like that, how to be a little bit more like him and a little less like himself. Mino will answer...)

Whenever he’s sad and tired and on the verge of tears, or when he’s hysterically desperate and reckless, or when he feels too much or feels too little, he look at the sky and lets the melody play. The notes hidden in the dark gaps among shimmering stars – or behind a cloudy blanket – turn into music and it’s a bit like coming back home, to a time when everything was easier.

He lives in the memory of that bursting passion that knew no bound, when he was too young to put limits to himself. He remembers the vertiginous urge to let it all out, but also his most inner nature of preserving all of that, pondering and refining even the smallest leap of inspiration until it was polished and perfect.

Those were the days he found out he would be a musician, a composer, a singer, a celebrity. He was born to be a star, Kang Seungyoon, shining his own light in the vastness of the universe. He tells himself the same things, when it’s too hard and he wishes he could give up, he could be not so stubborn – he looks at the sky and listens and remembers who he is.

That reminds him of all the hours spent like that with Mino by his side, always by his side. His personal compass, constantly pointing toward planet Earth.

 

 

It’s only natural to call him of all people as soon as the news is out. Seungyoon rushes outside of the meeting room – actually the living room at their manager’s place, but it’s not like they can afford their own place right now – and dials his number without even thinking.

Fingers gripped tight around his phone, this wait weights like the eternity. Each ring makes him feel a little more nauseous, as if he can’t bear the idea of Mino not knowing about it. Seungyoon is great at hiding things from him, he’s done it for years, but not when it comes to music. This is their shared dream, this is what they’re going to do.

“We’ve got a gig!”, Seungyoon doesn’t give him the possibility to talk, “It’s a big deal, a place in Hongdae where _everyone_ goes. It could be it, you know, we could rock it, get a name, get a freaking fanbase and all!”.

“That’s great, Yoon. We gotta celebrate later”. Mino sounds incredibly distant, even if his words are supportive. There is something missing, his usual enthusiasm, and Seungyoon’s excitement suddenly turns in disappointment as Mino keeps talking. “Get some beer... soju, even”.

“Yeah… sure. We could ask Jiho, maybe Seunghoon?”

Mino just mutters a reply, a mumble that makes Seungyoon anxious. All of Mino’s charming zest is gone, now that he should be the happiest for Seungyoon. He doesn’t whine about Jiho, saying he would be no fun because he’ll nag him about the song he’s been stuck to for a week, or begs for chicken to have it with the beer, or anything that’s Mino. He sounds detached, like he’s preoccupied with something else.

Seungyoon tries to swallow this stupid suspicion away and rambles. “You couldn’t even suspect what our manager had to do to get us a good slot, it all starts with a girl he was dating few months ago and too much wine…” Seungyoon stills when he hears Mino whispering something that is not for him, but for someone on the other side of the line. It’s quite undecipherable, but he can hear the hush in Mino’s voice, the predatory giggle, his busy _“I’m talking here”_ , he can almost see the smug grin on his face of those he has when he’s with someone he likes, and Seungyoon nearly loses balance when he hears the loud sensual gasp Mino tries to suppress.

There is a rustle he can’t identify there, a laugh that’s not Mino’s, and few others of those gasps – Seungyoon burns and dies in that sound, immediately wanting more and wishing not to hear anything else – and then Mino is back to him, his voice ragged, husky, like he’s been in apnoea the whole time. He tries to cover it by talking loud, but Seungyoon knows him too well to be fooled.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you well… were you saying?”

Seungyoon takes a long while to reply, in which Mino must push his phone away as he lets out a grunt he can’t really withhold, and after that Seungyoon tries to sound as cheerful and happy as he was few moments before. “Never mind, you know what? I think we can talk about it later tonight, at home”.

“Y-yeah… sure”, Mino mumbles in the phone before hanging up.

Seungyoon stays there for what it feels like few instants but must be minutes, unable to chastise his own mind and find inner peace as he retraces every world Mino said, or mostly unsaid, the little gasps, the pleasure he couldn’t really mask. It hasn’t been this hard in a long while, and Seungyoon finds it difficult to just quiet down.

He just wants his friend to be all his, in that happiness they should share together, in that dream they have even before they could realize it. It’s not much to ask, isn’t it?

“Here you are”, his voice brings him back to reality, startling him. Seungyoon bumps into him in surprise, back against chest, and Taehyuns’s arms instinctively sneak to hug his waist. “Were you making a call?”

“Mh-h”, he doesn’t reply, pushing his phone into the pocket of his hoodie, unsure whether he wants to discuss this with him or keep it for himself. Probably the latter, as usual.

“Was it Mino?”, Taehyun sounds slightly pissed, like every time they talk about him, Mino’s name turning foreign and hostile when he’s the one saying it. Taehyun speaks to his ear, his breath tickling Seungyoon, and he slips a kiss on his skin between his words. “Did you run to tell him? You couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

Taehyun is his usual self, passionate and hot-headed like no one else Seungyoon has ever met, something that could either turn in obsessive an destructive or rejuvenating and creative, and that’s what makes him so irresistible to Seungyoon’s eyes. Taehyun can be dangerous, and charming, and caring; he’s someone that doesn’t leave you time to miss him, it’s someone that makes him feel loved and in love like no one did before.

Seungyoon burns and dies for him – and turns to shut down Taehyun’s jealous with a kiss, lips eager to please, hands clasping around his head as his own breath stops and he melts. Between kisses, Taehyun tells him how they’ll just ditch the band without saying that they’re going, they’ll run to his place and he’ll fuck him on his shitty coach, hard and fast and with his nails dug into his ass, and Seungyoon will beg for more like he always does. Seungyoon likes it, he laughs on his mouth.

 

 

The sky is right there, in the long thin window above Taehyun’s coach. If he bends in the right position, he can look at it and try to go back to his music. Taehyun’s arm is clutched around his back and it hurts when he tries to move, sore and spent, but he does it nevertheless. The clouds are dark with storm and chasing each other in a ceaseless struggle, so fast it makes him dizzy. The wind is too strong tonight, covering any other sound with its raged howl.

Seungyoon is silent.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry for the poor translation of Nei nostri luoghi lyrics, but i couldn't find any other on the net and those few verses were really important for inspiring me.


End file.
